I have been really struggling lately. I feel like I am running in circles and doing everything a little subpar....I am late for work nearly every morning, but I try to take the kids to school, I am late getting home even thou I leave work early to get home and Amelia & Roman want me to pick them up from school. If they only could understand that I would have to leave work at 1pm to pick them up...and that is only a few hours after I get there because remember I am late getting there. I ask myself what is the point of this? Work? Commuting? I don't mind work. Actually, I enjoy it - I get up put on my makeup, put on something with a zipper (although frustrating), and have time to drink a full commuter cup of coffee. I mean I do like the time I have to pay bills while I am at work, call a friend, wrote a post, do some work, go pump, do some more work, have lunch, little bit more work, pump again, one more phone call, little bit more work and head home. I don't mind my job. I work with fun people, good friends actually. However, as I get connected to my breast pump for the second time of the day and try to figure out how I will convince the kids to pick out their clothes for the next day because I was sure that is why I was a half hour late. As I sit in some vacant office trying to remember if I locked the door before I turned on this life sucking machine, I tell myself that I am ok, the kids are ok, there are other mothers who can volunteer in the classroom, I am setting an example for my girls, women fought hard for this opportunity I have, if Borys walked out on me tomorrow like Jeff did to my sister, I would be able to survive. Every woman should have their own money - that is what my mom tells me - I do. Good thing - right? I guess. However, then I think of how I felt when I was in Elementary School....my mom was home.
I left work early today...to pick Amelia and Roman up. I surprised them. It was a special treat. I do know that if I stayed home with them all the time I am not as focused on them - strange, but for now I will just have to leave work early a few times a week. It is worth it because the look on their faces was priceless!
Lena, you are a total inspiration to ALL mothers--you are able to balance it all. You probably don't leave time for yourself except that drive to and fro....but you do it ALL, and for the right reasons. Your kids are fortunate to have a role model like you. And it's a total bonus that Dana is right across the street as another influence for them!
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